You really can find anything on Etsy, up to and including a witch to cast a spell on your favorite baseball team. And judging from what the Seattle Mariners have been up to, the magic is real.
In case anyone has no clue why seemingly every Mariners fan on X is suddenly talking about an “Etsy witch,” here’s a brief timeline of what happened over the weekend while the Mariners were in Atlanta:
- Friday and Early Saturday: Word spreads on X that someone paid a witch on Etsy to uncurse the Mariners amid their 6-15 skid.
- Saturday Night and Sunday Morning: The Mariners erupt for 10 home runs and 28 runs.
- Sunday Afternoon: The Mariners shout out the Etsy witch on X.
If you don’t believe in magic, then you probably believe that what the Mariners did on Saturday and Sunday was simply regression to the mean. Their offense was too good to only be scoring 4.3 runs per game during their brutal 21-game stretch, so a homer-fueled explosion was likely inevitable.
Sorry, but we don’t buy that. In fact, we’re too busy manifesting ahead of a crucial seven-game homestand against the St. Louis Cardinals and Los Angeles Angels.
The Mariners have literal magic on their side at the perfect time
Some things just can’t be rationally explained, and the vibe shift the Mariners have undergone over the last 48 hours does feel magical.
After they suffered yet another gut-wrenching defeat to the Braves on Friday, the Mariners seemed this close to spiraling out of the American League playoff race. Their lead for the AL’s third wild card spot was down to 0.5 games over the Texas Rangers, and 1.0 game over the Kansas City Royals.
This part of Ryan Divish’s recap for the Seattle Times, in which he quoted Dan Wilson, said it all: “’Tough ballgame tonight,’ Wilson said, searching for words and sentences to describe yet another setback.”
And yet here we are on Monday, basking in the glow of a two-game outburst the likes of which the franchise had never seen before. It truly feels like a gift that came out of nowhere, indeed as if someone with special powers conjured it.
shoutout to the etsy witch pic.twitter.com/XalePUoOkW
— Seattle Mariners (@Mariners) September 7, 2025
As Etsy witch fever is already taking hold among the Mariners’ fanbase, one doesn’t need a crystal ball, Tarot cards or whatever to foresee pointy hats and broomsticks at T-Mobile Park in the coming days. And for believers, the hope now is that the next thing this spell needs is the head of a cardinal.
The Mariners will have their work cut out for them in making this happen. Though the Cardinals have become a sort of ghost ship team with a disinterested fanbase, they have won 11 out of 18 and are coming to Seattle off back-to-back series wins. Given the context, the threat they pose is of Birnam Wood coming to Dunsinane Hill.
The Cardinals do have a 31-38 road record, however, and they’re headed into a place where the Mariners are 41-27 on the season. And on Monday, their newly red-hot offense will get to line up behind AL Cy Young Award contender Bryan Woo.
Come Wednesday, any Mariners fan with a broom to T-Mobile Park will have a whole new use for it if the Mariners sweep. With only 19 games standing between them and the end of the regular season, that would put them three big steps closer to earning a playoff spot for the second time in four years.
When they arrive on Thursday, the Angels will represent a chance for four more. They hung in there for much of the summer, but have lost 14 out of their last 22 to fall a season-high 10 games under .500.
The Mariners already have the magic. Now all they need is the wins.
Game Times and Probable Pitchers for Cardinals vs. Mariners: September 8-10
- Monday, September 8 at 6:40 p.m. PT: Miles Mikolas vs. Bryan Woo
- Tuesday, September 9 at 6:40 p.m. PT: Matthew Liberatore vs. George Kirby
- Wednesday, September 10 at 6:40 p.m. PT: Michael McGreevy vs. Logan Gilbert
